Her Reasons Why
by katierosefun
Summary: Anakin Skywalker didn't expect a package to be delivered to his apartment. He didn't expect a number of CDs piled inside, either. And Anakin didn't think he'd be one of the reasons why Ahsoka suddenly left Coruscant High School. [Modern day AU. No romance involved. Rated T for extremely mature themes, swearing, etc.]
1. CD One

Hello, everyone! Katierosefun aka Caroline here! Now, I know I just released a story last week - I know, I know, I know - but this actually was a different personal project of mine. I started out with this idea about a year ago, but I never got around the courage or strength to write it until now. Mostly because this story is a very sensitive story to conjure up and tell, seeing that some experiences are similar to my own. But here I am.

I'm going to say it right now, too - I think this is going to be one of my most...mature stories in a while regarding _The Clone Wars_. Mostly because of themes. So I'm saying that if you have particular triggers, then I think it'd be best for you to take the safe route and avoid this story - I wouldn't be mad. Your priorities and your health comes first.

Now, with that said - here you go.

* * *

 _CD One._

He may have had a few good friends, but Anakin Skywalker didn't remember the last time he got a package from _anyone_. Maybe on Christmas – maybe on his birthday – but for the most part, the brown package sitting in front of his apartment door was all but foreign to him. The package was taped up sloppily at the sides – with multiple sticks of it making little _x_ s on where the paper met. Anakin could see some of the paper sticking out in odd, awkward angles.

Bewildered, he bent down and picked it up. His first instinct was to shake it, to maybe guess what was inside.

But then he remembered he was still standing outside his door, and it was a Friday night.

And so, tucking the box underneath his arm, Anakin stuck his key in the lock and swung the door open. Instantly, he heard his dog, Artoo, bark frantically and race to him. Anakin grinned. He closed the door behind himself with a foot and crouched down to pat his dog on the head. "Hey, buddy," he said tiredly. "Missed me?"

He set the package on the couch – and with Artoo trailing behind him, he walked over to the pantry to dig out some of the dog food. Anakin pulled down his dog's bowl, shook some of the food in, and set it down in front of the excited dog. Artoo instantly let out a grateful bark and dug into the bowl.

Chuckling lightly under his breath, Anakin turned and headed back to the main room of his apartment, where the package patiently sat. He plopped himself beside the package – picked at the not-so-neat tape job – and after another minute, Anakin worked it out.

And instantly caught sight of a neat pile of CDs, all wrapped together with a worn, dirty-looking rubber band. He frowned and slowly undid the rubber band. The CDs, all placed in cheap plastics, had little numbers written at the top with a black permanent marker. Anakin couldn't make out how many there were – probably just a few – but he took them out anyways, looking through the CDs with growing interest.

Anakin dove back into the package, wondering if there was a note – only to find that instead, there was a folded up map sitting at the bottom. Frown deepening, Anakin dug out the map and folded it out in front of himself on the coffee table. Instantly, Anakin's breath caught in his throat.

He _recognized_ that handwriting. No, he _knew_ that handwriting.

Only he didn't think he'd ever see it again.

The _a_ s were messy – the _o_ s had little slashes through them, which Anakin always thought was funny when he was grading papers – the _t_ s were a little too long. It was the endearing handwriting of a student that had disappeared from Coruscant High School. Disappeared without a trace.

 _Ahsoka Tano_.

Ahsoka Tano, with dyed blonde hair and funny blue highlights and bright, wide eyes and light brown skin. Ahsoka Tano, with her loud laugh and wide grin before a camera shot a picture of her. Ahsoka Tano, sitting at the far right side of the classroom where Anakin taught in beside his own mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ahsoka Tano, raising her hand and frequently challenging Anakin's little mini-lessons. Ahsoka Tano, casting sly glances with her classmates every time Anakin and Obi-Wan argued over something.

And then.

 _And then_.

It was Ahsoka Tano, with dyed blonde hair and funny blue highlights and bright, wide eyes and light brown skin. Ahsoka Tano, with her lips pressed together and her eyes always focusing on her desk rather than at the front of the teachers. Ahsoka Tano, sitting at the far right side of the classroom, pressing herself against the wall as if she was trying to blend in with the environment. Ahsoka Tano, never raising her hand or speaking up to challenge Anakin's mini-lessons. Ahsoka Tano, staring straight ahead whenever the whispers started.

Anakin Skywalker knew what was going on. Of _course_ he knew what was going on. He was there when the principal of the high school started questioning Ahsoka. He was there when the other teachers in the office started murmuring amongst themselves about a possible expelling on Ahsoka. He was _there_ when Ahsoka was brought in.

And he was there when Ahsoka denied everything.

And he wasn't there when Ahsoka disappeared. He had been sitting in his classroom, staring at his student's desk when he heard the news. He was thinking over a billion things he could have said when the teachers and the principal accused her of a ridiculous crime that started with a whisper – he was thinking about how he could have possibly stood up for her – he was wishing that he spoke up _sooner_ – he was wishing that he could have spent more time with this peculiar Ahsoka Tano – he was wishing that he could have done more than just smiled at her in the hallways and answered her questions.

Only he didn't.

Of course, there were rumors circulating around the sixteen-year old's disappearance. Some students had said she killed herself – jumped in front of a train and was taken by her family to be buried in her hometown. Other students had said that she was kidnapped, taken to a place out of the country. Someone else said that Ahsoka had been killed by a serial killer and that was why she was gone.

 _Funny,_ Anakin had thought, listening to those rumors, _that no one bothers to take this kind of gossip seriously but not the gossip that was actually aimed at Ahsoka herself._

But now, Anakin was staring down at the map – the map of the town of Coruscant – and looking at little stars marked at certain locations, with words written like, " _the garage_ " and " _where she kicked me to the ground – literally_ " and " _our last conversation_ ". That one sent shivers down Anakin's back.

 _Our last conversation._

What did it all mean? Why was Anakin looking down at this map? Who sent this to him? Was it Ahsoka herself?

Anakin frantically took up the package again, his eyes scanning the small box for a return address. Only he didn't find any. He was only left with the CDs.

He fingered the first CD – which had a neat _1_ scrawled on the cover. Anakin pressed his lips together. He had a portable CD player – a Discman, only he hardly used it anymore. He remembered Obi-Wan asking him why he didn't bother throwing it out yet. ("I'm going to work on it!" Anakin had protested. "Besides, it's a perfectly good Discman. You never know when you might need it.")

 _Well,_ Anakin thought to himself, feeling his stomach pitch and roll, _now I need it._

Standing up, Anakin walked towards his bedroom – dug through the back of his dresser – and managed to find the old Discman sitting underneath his shirts. He pulled it out – fingered the old earbuds which were still attached to the device – and walked back into the main room with it still in his hands.

Artoo, finished with his meal, had run back in, sitting on the couch and beaming up at Anakin with a slightly open, panting mouth. Anakin managed to give the dog another pat – but he sat down without looking at him. Anakin dragged forward the first CD – hesitated before opening the Discman – but before he could lose his nerve, he jammed the CD in.

And pressed play.

" _Hello, hello, everyone. Ahsoka Tano here."_

Anakin felt himself flinch. It _was_ her. She sounded different on CD – everyone's voices did – but this was different altogether.

" _If you received this, it's for one reason and one reason only. And guess what? It has something to do with the recent turn of events. I suppose by now, you had heard the news – or the gossip, whatever you base your facts on._

 _The reason why you got these CDs is because you, my dear listener, are one of the reasons why I'm gone."_

 _What?_ Anakin thought to himself, staring down at the Discman. _No. No, no, no, no, no. I had nothing to do with it!_ (But he could have said "hello" more often. He could have said something. He could have…done more.)

" _No, you didn't hear that wrong. This isn't some crazy nightmare. Or dream. Again, that all depends on what you consider a dream or a nightmare. Who knows? I certainly don't, which I suppose kinda sucks. I won't be able to see your reactions. Or maybe I will. Who knows – I'm still around, after all._

 _Sorry. Did that scare you? I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just having fun."_

 _This isn't fun, Ahsoka,_ Anakin thought to himself, closing his eyes and falling back into the couch. _This isn't fun at all._

" _There's only two rules here. First, you listen to the CDs. Then, you pass them on. Now, if you break these rules, trust me – they'll be released in an extremely public manner. Do not take me for granted…_

 _Again._

 _Now, you just pass it onto the next person on the list – so if you're number one, you pass the CDs onto person number two anonymously – only I suppose it wouldn't be_ quite _anonymous, because you just need to know who the person was behind you. And the lucky last person – well, you'll know what to do when you listen to your own CD._

 _I'm sure most of you are tempted to skip through the CDs to find your name. Well, I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to listen through all of them. You might not even want to stick around once you listen to your own CD…but if that happens, I'll know. Trust me."_

 _Wait, wait, wait._

Anakin pressed his hands up to his face. He was tempted to throw out the CDs right there. There was a trash can sitting in the corner of the room – he could chuck them all in and that'd be it. No CDs. No memories. Nothing would be left.

 _And yet…_

Ahsoka said that they'd be released.

And…

 _After everything she's been through, don't you think you owe her at least that? Listening to her last words?_ A small voice whispered in the back of Anakin's mind. _You couldn't do shit before. What's keeping you from doing something now?_ Anakin pressed his lips together. He looked back down at the Discman – heaved in a deep breath – and picked it up again.

" _Oh, and you should have received a map. On that map are a bunch of locations that were starred by yours truly – now,_ this _part of the trip is completely optional, especially if you're not really the go-get-up type. Still, if you're curious about what I saw – about what I thought – go ahead. I'm not stopping you, either._

 _And for our first location._

 _Look at A-4 on your maps, everyone. There, you'll see the public garage. Yeah. You know, when random visitors need a place to park their cars? This town is so fucking crowded that we need one of those, only it's not one of those neat, nice ones that you sometimes find in the big cities. It's one of those dirty ones that are filled with cigarette smoke and bad dubstep music that make everyone's ears hurt."_

Almost automatically, Anakin reached down and picked up the map. After following the numbers and letters, Anakin's eyes found the location – _A-4. The garage._

That was all that was written there. Nothing specific. Just _the garage_.

And then, without thinking, Anakin was standing back up. He was jogging out of his apartment, ignoring Artoo barking after him. He slammed the door and sprinted out of the apartment building and into the streets. Ahsoka wasn't even talking, as though she knew – she _knew_ – that he'd be running outside. That her listeners would be sprinting out of wherever because it was suddenly all very toxic to be inside.

It was June – and the summer sky hadn't turned dark yet. Anakin could see some students laughing on their walks home and a couple exchanging kisses on a bench. It was too warm to wear any outer layers – and Anakin was clad only in the tee that he had worn to school and a pair of old, thin jeans. He shaded a hand over his hand – looked around, feeling almost disoriented. His breaths were coming out quickly – he hadn't even realized it until now.

"Anakin?"

Anakin froze, his hands scrambling over the Discman to pause Ahsoka's upcoming words. He turned to see Obi-Wan standing in front of him, eyes bewildered and confused. And then Anakin saw his friend's eyes lower to the Discman in his hands. And something changed in Obi-Wan's expression – something almost sad, almost _knowing._

 _God,_ Anakin thought to himself, _was he on the list? Did he listen to these CDs? Did he send these to me?_

"Obi-Wan," Anakin replied, closing his eyes briefly. "Sorry. I was just heading out."

Obi-Wan didn't seem fazed by that. He nodded once – and replied, "That's fine. I think you'll need it." His voice went soft at that. Anakin was tempted to run over and ask, "What does that even mean? What do you _know?_ " Instead, he nodded back. He pointed a thumb behind himself – and added somewhat breathlessly, "See you around, then." With that, and not even waiting for a response, Anakin turned and sprinted down to meet whatever would be waiting for him in the garage.

And pressed _play_.

" _Bane's Garage,"_ Ahsoka said as Anakin skidded to a stop in front of the beaten-down garage. Sure enough, it was just as Anakin had remembered – dim, fluorescent lights, blinking and flickering on and off. He could see some sketchy looking employees, lighting cigarettes and guffawing loudly at arm wrestles.

" _And though it's called a garage, I think everyone knows that Bane's Garage is just a hang-out for drug addicts and catcallers and the like. Only the police don't really do much about it. They don't usually do their jobs right, if you think about it. But that's a political problem, and I honestly hate talking about politics,"_ Ahsoka mused. _"But this particular garage is owned by someone. A particular someone."_

Anakin knew the name even before Ahsoka said it.

" _Cad Bane, I know you're probably one of the dirtiest and worst of the sleemos who live in this rotten town, but I think you should be ready for this turn."_

Anakin's throat tightened. He slowly sat down on one of the street benches and fingered his Discman, all the while keeping a close eye on the employees swinging around the front of the garage. He heard the shatter of glass hitting the sidewalk – probably some bottle. The roar of laughter that followed afterward only confirmed Anakin's suspicions – and though he knew it was probably dangerous to stick around, Anakin couldn't help but to stay put.

" _Now, there's a few benches in front of the garage. Go sit on one, if you will. Watch. Watch the men walking by – watch as the employees shout mean and cruel things after them. Can you hear their words? You can pause this if you want to hear. Because I did. I heard those mean words couldn't ever be said – some of them are downright bad – but again, no one seems to care."_ There weren't any men walking past the garage right now. Everyone was either still at work – or they just avoided this sidewalk, and for good reason. Some of the employees were fighting now.

"You stole my girl!"

"Nah, man, I didn't."

"Yeah, you fucking _did_."

"No, I fucking _didn't._ "

A different employee just chortled, " _Naw, man._ He just fucked her."

Instantly, the three employees all tackled each other, punches being thrown and shouts echoing around the street. Anakin sighed and looked up at the sky instead. He put up the volume a bit – and though it made his ears and his head hurt, he needed to listen to something else.

" _Now keep an eye out for the girls. Some of them are young students – with books clutched to the front of their chests, their bags slung over their shoulders and eyes trained on the ground. Most of them are in groups – but look out for the girls who are walking all by themselves, with their hands rigidly tucked in their pockets. Their jaws are set in squares. They're walking quickly – briskly – but you can sense an aura of alertness and alarm around them._

 _Now listen to the men calling after those girls._

 _Can you hear them?_

 _Can you?_

' _I'm gonna rape you,' one screams._

' _Hey, girl, why don't you come here and play me a number? Why don't ya?' another taunts._

' _Hey! Why won't you answer me, huh? Think you're better than me, bitch?' someone from inside shouts._

' _Hot stuff! Come in here and give this lonely old man some of that!'"_

 _Oh, God,_ Anakin thought, swallowing. He could feel his stomach churning. He knew that it was common to hear those kinds of comments thrown at girls especially. And he knew it was impolite – his mother had drilled it into his head, saying, "Ani, if a girl doesn't want your attention, don't force it from her." And later on, his own friends who were girls would say, "Anakin, I swear to God, if I ever find you calling after someone, I'm gonna make sure you don't live to see another day."

And Anakin _knew_ about how wrong it was.

Only listening to Ahsoka – a young girl – share something…was a different experience.

" _And this is where you come in, Cad Bane._

 _Tell me, what were you thinking when you called after me?_

 _Were you bored? Because I know that you weren't as loud as your stupid employees. I know that you didn't quite fit in with them – but they respected you. And you never really got into their activities, only that day, you did._

 _I was there. It was on an autumn day. I was walking home from school, already feeling down because I had flunked another stupid test about parabolas and some nonsense that I wasn't ever going to use in a few years. And I didn't want to walk past your garage, but it was the quickest way home. I had begged one of my friends to walk with me – only she left too early. Sometimes, I wonder if she did that on purpose._

 _You were standing in front of the garage that day._

 _And at first, I was almost relieved. I walked past your garage without trouble. I had been holding my breath. I was almost down the street when suddenly, I heard you say something. It was quiet – and I thought I could ignore it._

 _Stupid me."_

Anakin felt a memory stir inside him. He had been starting up his car – and he saw Ahsoka walking home with her head down, scuffing her shoes against the sidewalk. He thought it was a curious sight, since she never seemed to walk home without a friend. She looked lonely – he remembered thinking that.

" _Because I remember exactly what you said that day, Cad Bane. Every. Single. Fucking. Word._

' _Come here, little lady.'_

 _Hold on, Ahsoka. You're freaking out just because of four words? Compared to what everyone else screams? Why are you getting so huffed over four words?_

 _No. You don't get it._

 _It doesn't matter if it's one word or twenty five words. It still stings. It still makes people want to run and hide and cover themselves._

 _I kept walking. Do you remember that, Bane? I kept walking, keeping my eyes staring straight ahead. I heard some of your employees laughing, saying things like, 'oh, we've got a defiant one here!' And I wanted to run back and sock you all where it hurt – trust me, I did. But I didn't._

 _I didn't want to make it worse._

 _But boy, would I have liked to kick you in the crotch. Boy, would I have liked to see your smug little smile disappear. Boy, would I have liked to see you on the ground, swearing that you'd never say shit like that to anyone. Ever. Again._

 _Only I didn't._

 _And that was when you ran after me. You grabbed my wrist…remember? And you turned me around to face you…remember? And you were laughing at me…remember? And your employees were laughing…remember? And they were asking me, 'why won't you answer him, sweetheart?'…remember? And then you began playing with my braids…remember?_

 _You know, that braid was made by myself when I was in middle school. I was proud of it. I had gotten the top of my art class for making that braid – all out of pretty little beads. It was a pretty petty thing – but I liked it."_

Anakin remembered that braid. It was pretty. Anakin remembered thinking that. There were quaint looking, triangular beads followed by a multitude of circular ones, and there seemed to be a second part of it, gracefully clinking together with the first part of the braid each time Ahsoka walked around. Ahsoka did that – she wore different, unique pieces of jewelry. Sometimes it'd be some kind of head decoration that fell to her forehead – other times, it'd be a choker. But the braid was always there.

Anakin always wanted to ask Ahsoka where it was from – compliment on how cool the beads were. But he had swallowed back his words, thinking that it'd be odd and that it'd make Ahsoka think he was odd.

" _I froze. I couldn't breathe. And in a bad way. I wanted to break from you and run – run as fast as I possibly could, and then vomit in a place._

 _I remember you snapped off the braid._

 _I remember seeing the beads – miraculously – hold themselves together. I also remember you were playing around with them, commenting on how pretty they were. And you know, Cad Bane? I didn't think they were too pretty anymore. And I kind of hated you for it. That you decided to put your greasy, dirty hands on something that I made myself._

 _And now I'm never going to be able to wear that braid again without thinking about how you decided to take control over it."_

Actually, now that Anakin thought of it, he _did_ compliment on Ahsoka's beads.

She hadn't smiled. She only replied, "thank you" and didn't talk to him for the rest of class.

Anakin had been puzzled by her reaction.

 _God_.

" _But then I snapped. I grabbed my braid – stumbled back – and glared at you. You had smiled. Your lips curled into a disgusting, slimy smirk. And I remember wanting to punch you so bad – push you into the cars speeding by. I was tempted to do it._

 _Because people who do that aren't good people. They don't…deserve to be around._

 _But hey."_ Ahsoka's voice sounded oddly light now, which unnerved Anakin. _"Who am I to determine who lives and who dies? I can't play that way – can't pretend to be some higher upper power, if that's what you believe in. But I was tempted. I couldn't help but to wonder, you know. I couldn't help but to wonder what exactly was going through your head when you snapped my braid off. I couldn't help but to wonder what exactly was going through your head when you called after me._

 _I grabbed my braid back, though. And you just laughed in my face. Told me to calm down. Told me that I was getting too mad about something that was considered casual._

 _So."_

Anakin felt his hands tighten in his lap. He watched as some of the employees spat on the ground in front of a passing girl with a dark ponytail. He watched as the girl quickly stepped out of the way, her arms crossing over her chest. She seemed to shrink as the men screamed after her. Anakin watched as the girl paused – _no,_ he thought, _keep walking. Don't stop._

And then, her lower lip jutting out, she whirled around and stuck up her middle finger, earning herself a bunch of _oohs_ from the men.

"You like it rough, girlie?"

"Aw, look at her, guys!"

Anakin kept watching as the girl backed up a few steps. Her eyes went wide – and then she turned and ran around as fast as she could.

" _Well, Bane, I've heard about idiots like you. They don't stop, you know? They don't. Stop._

 _And if I ever told someone about it, the typical answer would be, "the victim asked for it." Like it was my fault that you decided to think it was okay to cross my personal boundaries._

 _But tell us, Ahsoka – why's he there? There are thousands – if not millions and billions of catcallers in the world. Isn't it unfair to call just him out?_

 _Wrong._

 _So fucking wrong._

 _Because later, Bane, you might not have realized it – but your comments continued to follow me around, especially after what happened…but that's for a later CD._

 _Because later, Bane, you kept shouting after me. Those quiet four words? Those words you thought were worthless and just for fun? You repeated them all the time. Whenever I walked past your place, you were there. You always seemed to be there. Waiting for me. And after those tired, long days in school – when it seemed that everyone seemed to be turned against me – you were there. Calling after me._

 _I fucking hate you for that."_

Anakin narrowed his eyes at the employees, still swinging their arms and calling after people who weren't there any longer. He stood up slowly – and wondered in Cad Bane was in there right now. What was he doing? What had he thought? Did he take these words seriously?

" _I don't know what the fuck you thought gave you the right to make me feel like I was less than any other person in the world, but I'll leave with this message._

 _If. A. Girl. Tells. You. To. Stop._

 _You. Have. To. Stop._

 _Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Your words don't do shit for her. It crawls under her skin and makes her feel unsafe in a world. It slithers in the back of her mind and she's frozen in place._

 _Your words don't appeal to her. She won't throw herself at you. She'll wish you were dead. She'll wish you could stop._

 _Just stop."_

Anakin heard Ahsoka take a shuddery breath. There were a few beats of silence.

" _But that's it."_

* * *

 **A/N -** Okay, let me back this up. This story was also inspired by _13 Reasons Why,_ a book written by Jay Asher - and I would recommend in a heartbeat. Now, of course, I couldn't imagine thirteen people responsible for Ahsoka's leaving - so I narrowed it down to four, instead. I understand that Cad Bane wouldn't be an automatic choice, but I think I tossed him in because of the experiences I've heard people talk about - and how those little things can actually send more people off. And I also wanted to shed some light into this matter. (Calling. After. A. Girl. And. Threatening. To. Harm. Her. Is. Not. Romantic. Or. Sexy. It. Is. Disgusting.)

I've personally always seen Ahsoka as the kind of girl who wouldn't take that rough kind of treatment from people. (Hey, let's look at how she treated Atai in the Zygerria Slave Arc. Or how she looked at Bane after he took her braid. Or even how she told the Zygerrian Queen that she wasn't owned by anyone. The list goes on and on and on and on.)

Again, I think this is going to be one of my biggest projects of the summer (because yay, I'm done with classes! I'm going to have finals coming up soon!) and don't worry, I will be releasing happier stories.

As always, reviews would be great! Constructive criticism (regarding the actual content, not my opinion on catcalling, thanks) is tolerable, but flames are not!


	2. CD Two

I finished this story Saturday night. And I swear, I think this story was the quickest to ever get through. (Five chapters. Five long chapters.)

I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who commented - I still understand that there are several sensitive topics circulating this story. Whether it's sexual harassment or friendship issues/emotional abuse, I know that it's very hard to cope with. So thank you for sticking around, and I apologize again if you were hurt by receiving any emotional triggers. (Again, if you have any particular triggers that result in panic attacks/any other harmful form of pain, please exit. Your mental/physical/emotional health/balance is much more important to me.)

* * *

 _CD Two._

Anakin walked back to his apartment, feeling his head spin. He knew there were people staring at him – he could only imagine he was walking in some crazy pattern – he could feel his legs quaking slightly, even though he had done nothing but sit and listen. His fists were clenching and unclenching themselves. _Dammit,_ he winced, looking down at his hand. He could see the indents that his nails made in the flesh.

Stumbling up the stairs, Anakin made his way through the door of his room and flopped back on the couch. The afternoon sunlight was filtering through the windows. He heard Artoo bark indignantly up at him. Anakin rubbed a hand over his face. "Artoo," he muttered to his dog, "you're lucky that you're not a human being."

Artoo tilted his head at Anakin, as though he could only agree.

Anakin slowly undid the Discman. He slid out the CD – placed it in its plastic and looked down at the still-waiting pile of CDs on his coffee table. He swallowed and felt something come up his throat. Instantly, Anakin rolled over on his stomach, trying to control his breathing. He could feel his heart pounding in his head – thrumming around him – and then Artoo whimpered, jumping on top of Anakin.

"I'm fine, buddy," Anakin mumbled against a couch pillow. He waved a hand at his dog. "Just…give me a sec. It's been a rough day."

He took a few moments to himself like that.

But then his arm shot out – and by some miracle, Anakin managed to find the CD that was marked with a small, neat _2._

Anakin inserted the CD in his Discman and slowly shoved his earbuds in his ears. He closed his eyes and lay across the couch.

" _You should have seen me in middle school. I was cute. I had short hair that reached up to my shoulders. And I was a lot shorter. But there was someone there in my middle school years. This girl. She was my best friend. The kind of friend that you considered spending the rest of your life with. You'd make plans together regarding the future – and you'd call each other in the middle of the night without being afraid of being criticized._

 _It's funny how that can change so quickly._

 _Barriss Offee – you were a little too ambitious to be my friend, don't you think?_ "

Anakin opened his eyes. _Barriss,_ he remembered. He was in Ahsoka's class, too – and she used to talk with Ahsoka. Whenever Anakin walked into the room, Barriss would be hovering over Ahsoka's desk, and the two girls would be laughing over something or other. Anakin hadn't realized that that stopped until around the end of the year, before the rumors started and Ahsoka left.

" _Now, I don't know why you felt the need to blame me for something you did, Barriss. I don't know why it had to be_ me _, of all the people in our school. Why?_

 _Maybe you wanted to be the perfect one._

 _I remember thinking that. You always had to be the_ perfect _one. You were always the proper and neat and trim one. I was always the one running late with mud on my shoes and grass sticking in my hair. It was always that way. And I didn't care. Because to me, you were perfect just the way you were. I valued our friendship more than anything._

 _But that wasn't enough for you, was it? You needed to get your own ambitions in the way, and that meant…getting rid of your closest friend. The not-so-perfect one. That's what you were thinking, Barriss."_

The next day, when Anakin went into class after Ahsoka was announced missing, Barriss had gotten a glassy-eyed look in her eyes. She had stared straight ahead – and then later that day, she confessed to doing what Ahsoka was accused of doing.

" _I always knew you had strong opinions, Barriss. And I knew I couldn't always keep up with them. You were always talking about politics, you know? And I always pretended I wasn't listening. But I was. I just couldn't understand. You were going to be someone special, Barriss. You were probably going to become one of those activists that stood up for world peace or something._

 _Only you did it in the wrong way, I think._

 _Because you sent a bunch of bomb threats to our school._

 _And blamed it on me. You talked to all of the kids about it. And those rumors got to the teachers…and to the principal himself."_

Bomb threats. After Ahsoka was expelled, Barriss had walked up to the principal and declared that it was her fault.

Anakin wondered what Barriss thought when she received this CD. He wondered if Ahsoka had any idea that Barriss had tried to redeem herself, no matter how fruitless it was.

" _The rumors eventually got to me, Barriss. You knew it, too. You couldn't hide it from me for too long. I had meant to ask if I could talk with you first – but you texted me that week, asking if I could meet you outside the school – right by that old parking lot that sat next to the garbage dump. Some food trucks would swing by there, and it was always pretty loud and quiet there at the same time. We could talk without causing too much attraction._

 _Location B-2, everyone."_

xXx

After Anakin left Artoo (again) and stuffed the rest of his CDs in a backpack, he walked all the way to the school. A shadow was hovering around the buildings now, but he didn't pay it any mind. It took him an additional fifteen minutes to walk to the exact place where Ahsoka had met Barriss. That particular corner of the school was abandoned, just as Ahsoka had described it to be.

Anakin sat on the steps that led up to the inside of the school in this corner. There was a small truck sitting in front of him – and he could observe some late teachers walking out of the school without being caught. He could see why Barriss called Ahsoka hear. Who knew how many people could hide here. Everyone could look out – but no one could look in.

Funny how that worked.

xXx

" _What were you hoping for when I met you there, Barriss? Were you hoping for me to apologize? Or were you just going to go straight to the point – that I needed to go along with this stupid, foolish, radical plan you came up with to make a point? Because I can tell you right now that I had no intention of doing either thing when I met you at that place._

 _Which I guess is why you kicked me to the ground._

 _Quite literally._

 _Yup._

 _You heard that right. Perfect, nonviolent Barriss somehow kicked me square in the chest – and knocked me over._

 _I've got a bruise there, Barriss. Did you know that? I didn't think it would, but it bruised. And it hurts. It's kind of ugly right now."_ Anakin could hear a shifting – and then Ahsoka added, " _Sorry. This must be really awkward for you other listeners. I just looked down my shirt – ha, ha, just to look at my bruise. Yup. Still there. I'm glad I don't sleep with my shirt off, 'cause that'd just be a cruel joke._ "

" _But_ why _did Barriss kick you, Ahsoka?_

 _Good question._

 _When I met you in that stinky corner of the school, Barriss, you were pacing back and forth. Quiet, perfect, perfectly calm Barriss – pacing? This was just getting weirder and weirder, right? Only it doesn't stop there._

 _Barriss…you…when I saw you, and when you saw me, you stopped pacing and stared at me._

 _And I stared at you._

 _And we stared and stared and stared until I asked, 'Why'd you call me here?'"_

Anakin could picture Ahsoka now – Ahsoka casting uneasy looks at Barriss. Barriss, keeping her eyes glued to the board as Obi-Wan talked about _The Catcher in the Rye_ and how Holden hated anything grown-up. Barriss, not ever turning to look at Ahsoka, even though it was obvious Ahsoka was trying to catch her attention.

Anakin felt a stab in the heart. _Ahsoka. Goddamn it._

 _How did he not know?_

" _And you replied, 'We both know why.'_

Okay, fine, _I had thought._ We can play it that way.

 _I had crossed my arms over my chest, remember? And then I responded, 'Okay._ Okay, then. _Let's cut the crap –_ you _thought it was okay to make it seem like_ I _sent the school a bunch of bomb threats? What the fuck, Barriss? What the hell was_ that _all about?' Barriss, you kept your face so calm. I remember that. And I also remember feeling rage bubble inside of me – well into a humongous bubble…and then pop when you replied as calmly as ever, 'You just need to believe it. Sorry, this is unfortunate.'_

' _What?' I asked. 'Is that honestly all you're going to say? That this is_ unfortunate _?'_

 _You shrugged your shoulders. 'What else am I supposed to say? After all, you_ were _the one who threatened the school.'_

 _I should have known, Barriss. I knew you were the one who sent the threats all this time. I knew. Because I had seen your laptop before, remember? You once let me borrow your laptop so I could copy my history homework from an unsaved document. But what you didn't know was that I saw some pop-ups on your laptop screen…and it only took me a few seconds to realize that they weren't just pop-ups._

 _They were plans, Barriss. Hacks and plans on how to get into the school's security system._

 _Gotta say, I couldn't understand half of it – but I knew you were behind it. But you know, I closed all of them, thinking that you couldn't – you_ wouldn't _do something that extreme. It wasn't you. I was praying that it wasn't you._

 _But it was, and I told you._

 _And boy, did you get pissed._ "

Anakin cradled his head in his hands. He tried to imagine Barriss and Ahsoka standing across each other – Ahsoka's mouth set in a determined, straight line. Barriss staring straight ahead – looking at Ahsoka, but never really seeing her. Never really looking into Ahsoka's pain. Like some sort of statue.

Perfect Barriss.

Ha.

 _What a joke._

" _And then you kicked me. Remember? You kicked me hard – although I don't think you meant to kick me that hard. I know that because your eyes widened a little when you saw me on the ground, Barriss. You stared at me, and I could only imagine what you were wondering. Were you wondering how you could be so violent? Were you wondering about how I could have possibly felt?_

 _I don't think I'll ever forget those words you said to me later, Barriss. Funning thing is, that even though I'm sorry that you ever did the thing you did, I find myself listening to your words every single day._

' _This town is toxic, Ahsoka,' you said. 'If no one's going to change it, I will.'_

 _I understand your intentions, Barriss. I do. Because after I was brought in and all of those terrible things happened, I couldn't help but to think…"_

The door suddenly opened behind Anakin. He felt the dull sensation of it hitting against his head – and cringing, he jumped to the side before further damage could be done. He looked up to see the girl from before – same dark ponytail – standing in the doorway, eyes wide and stunned. Now that Anakin was sitting right there, he could take a closer look at her.

He remembered seeing her in the hallways – she was another freshman in Coruscant High School.

"Sorry," the girl muttered, and she paused in the corner – looked around. And though Anakin pretended to be busy with his Discman, he could see the girl out of the corners of his eyes. The girl was confused. She was waiting for someone. _Only that someone_ , Anakin realized, _wasn't coming_.

The girl shot a glance at Anakin – and he quickly averted his eyes again. She cleared her throat and without another word, hurried out of the corner. When Anakin looked back up, he noticed that ever so slightly, the girl's shoulders were trembling.

He could picture it now. Tears might be streaming down her face – she might be feeling dread at the realization that there wasn't anyone coming for her. She might go home later today, lock herself up in her room, and take down photos of friends and family members in a frustrated rage. Who knew? Anakin didn't.

And almost as if on cue, Ahsoka's voice came again.

" _You were right, Barriss._

 _This town really_ is _toxic_."

Anakin fingered the pause button over his Discman. There was a silence – as though Ahsoka was letting her listeners take a few moments.

" _Barriss, I like to think that you left school after I left, too. I like to think about how you must have regretted what you did – but still let that little fire in you burn. I like to think that twenty years from now, I'm gonna hear from the news that Barriss Offee was leading a protest against a discrimination group. I like to think that twenty years from now, I'm gonna hear from the news that Barriss Offee got rid of the toxic town and replaced it with fair and just people. I like to think that._

 _And I also like to think that twenty years from now, I'm gonna hear my neighbors talking about you, Barriss. They're gonna discuss either how radically you'll be thinking – though in a good or bad way, I suppose you'll have to find out about yourself. And I'm going to listen to them talk. Don't worry, I won't tell them about how radical you were from even at a young age._ "

 _She did leave, Ahsoka,_ Anakin thought, leaning forward. _She left, too. And I think she regretted everything._

" _Your secret is safe with me. And with the rest of the people listening to these CDs, I suppose._

 _Ha. I just remembered where you come in, Bane._

 _You were laughing at me in the street corner, asking me if I was gonna bomb the school because of you. You said it like a joke. But I suppose that only proves Barriss' point even further. Coruscant is filled with toxic people._ "

Anakin was beginning to wish he threw a rock at the employees in front of the garage. Why didn't he? Why did he just sit at the bench? And watch?

" _But hey, Bane – Barriss – if it makes you two feel any better, you weren't the only toxic people in this town. There were plenty others too. Some of them…_ " Ahsoka paused. Anakin could hear her breathing, as though she was taking some consideration into saying whatever was to come next. Anakin felt his throat tighten – and he didn't even know why.

When Ahsoka spoke again, her voice was shaky. " _Some of them_ ," she repeated, " _I don't think were toxic on purpose. I think they thought they were doing something good. It wasn't their fault they were being manipulated into your little plan, Barriss. Everything was working your way, after all._ " There was a laugh. A sad laugh.

" _I just looked over my list. Is it weird that I don't want to say the next name? I have to, but I don't want to. Because I know that you didn't mean to be toxic. I know that_ he _didn't want to be toxic. He was actually a good guy. You know. The kind of person who smiled at you on your worst days and helped random people on the streets. Honestly. I actually looked forward to his class._ "

 _No,_ Anakin thought, standing up violently.

" _So, then, Obi-Wan Kenobi – Mr. Kenobi, whatever – for a good guy – for a_ great _guy, even – what changed?_ "

xXx

Anakin tore his earbuds out. He sprinted into the school, tearing through the hallways and ignoring the questioning glances the custodians gave him. He pushed past some people – he surged through doors and felt the sting of impact against his hands each time he slammed through the surfaces. It wasn't until he reached Obi-Wan's classroom – _their_ classroom – did he stop. He pressed his backpack to one of the desks ( _Ahsoka's desk,_ he thought with a pang in his chest) and dug out the next CD.

Like the others, a small number was printed against the corner of the object. Anakin didn't want to listen to this CD. He didn't want to listen to whatever was going to come.

How could he, anyways?

Obi-Wan was (is) a best friend – a practical brother – and Anakin couldn't think of listening to a girl whispering whatever hidden truths there were about him.

 _But that meant that Obi-Wan listened to the CDs_ , Anakin thought. _And I'm on the CDs. So did Obi-Wan know when he listened to the prologue over my own CD? How was he feeling? What did he think? Did he also think about not listening? That he could just skip it?_

"Fuck," Anakin said aloud to himself. It echoed around the empty classroom for a second – and bounced right back to him. _A good guy –_ that was how Ahsoka described Obi-Wan. And dammit, he _was_. He _was_ a good guy. So why was he on Ahsoka's list? Why him? What happened that was so bad that Ahsoka decided to haunt him, too?

 _Fuck._ Obi-Wan had looked at Anakin in that odd way when he walked out of the apartment. He had looked – now that Anakin really thought of it – worried. Or maybe not. Maybe he was concerned. And in that moment, Anakin was almost tempted to call Obi-Wan. Dig out his phone – dial his number – and demand what happened so Anakin could hear it from Obi-Wan himself instead of Ahsoka.

 _Do not take me for granted…again._ Wasn't that what Ahsoka had said? To not take her for granted? To not ignore her words?

Anakin owed her.

Anakin sat down at Ahsoka's desk. He pried open the plastic – removed the CD – and opened up his Discman. He took out the other CD and placed it gently into its corresponding plastic. Anakin hesitated again, this third CD hovering over the Discman. It wasn't too late to put it away. To pretend that Obi-Wan wasn't ever on the list.

Anakin put the disc in the Discman.

And pressed _play_.

* * *

 **A/N -** You know, my school has one of those corners - with trucks coming in to drop off food for the cafeteria. And I also happened to be in one of those corners when I was told some pretty...twisted stuff. But hey, look - I'm still here.

It's so big to think that all of our actions kind of tangle together in one way or another, isn't it?

As always, reviews are great! Constructive criticism (again, regarding the actual content, not my opinion on matters of sexual harassment/friendship issues - if you're just here to make fun/ridicule/degrade my opinion, please leave. Please. Leave. Like, right now.) is tolerable, but flames are not!


	3. CD Three

I am quite officially sick. Sore throat, blocked nose, fever, everything. My head's been hurting like insane lately as well - but hey, I'm glad I wrote this chapter beforehand. Another thing - I created a playlist for this story on YouTube, if you would like to listen to it. Just go to my channel, which is actually linked on my profile. Check under my playlists and you should find it.

* * *

 _CD Three._

" _I don't like school. In fact, I kind of hate it. Because most of the time, the teachers think it's more important to know what x is equivalent to and why plants have water transported upwards and the Age of Western European Exploration than teaching kids to be nice to each other and to accept differences and question authority. It's kind of odd, too – we have history and English classes that make us read stories and texts about famous people questioning the authority of others – to be open-minded – but nah, none of the teachers like that. Kind of sketchy, if you ask me._

 _But Mr. Kenobi, your class was something else. And in a good way, too._ "

Of course, the class was different. Obi-Wan was the only teacher who believed that knowledge came from more than textbooks and documents, even though he was something of a bookworm himself. He was the only teacher who actually encouraged students to go out and explore what could possibly be out there – as long as they kept clear and open minds.

And Anakin knew that because he had Obi-Wan as a teacher, too.

And Obi-Wan was probably the only teacher Anakin ever had who bothered to listen to him when all of the other teachers thought he was some crazy kid with his head in the clouds.

" _You were always around, you know. You were the only one who stayed in the office after hours. You actually liked teaching, which I kind of found funny, because the majority of teachers in this fucking school only teach because they need a job. You can tell. Don't give me that look, I know you are – don't even deny it."_ If this was under a different circumstance, Anakin would have laughed – because he knew exactly what look Ahsoka was describing. Whenever a student – or a different teacher – said something questionable, Obi-Wan would either tilt his head and raise his eyebrows – or he would just glance over at the person and throw on his best unimpressed look. Both expressions were filled with just the right amount of sarcasm and subtle annoyance. (Anakin knew those looks because he was usually on the receiving end. Over time, he had memorized every single gesture and detail in Obi-Wan's gestures.)

" _But I'm not here to talk about other teachers. Yet. I'm talking about you, Mr. Kenobi, the English teacher who allowed us to debate whether or not Holden in_ The Catcher in the Rye _really hated life or actually hated adults. Hey! I just realized that that's pretty fitting – don't you think?_

 _Did Holden hate life or did he hate adults?_

 _Answer: I think he hated both._

 _Hold on, hold on, hold on! I've got an explanation for it!_ "

Anakin remembered Obi-Wan teaching _The Catcher in the Rye_. He also remembered Ahsoka remaining quiet during all of the lessons, especially so because the rumors were still circulating around her. Anakin would always look over at Ahsoka – wonder what exactly she was thinking, because she never seemed that she was paying attention.

She was.

" _Because yes, Mr. Kenobi, though Holden loved his little sister and his little brother and loved the merry-go-rounds and didn't move away from the rain, I think he hated both. Everyone's a phony, compared to him. He hates that in life, everyone grows up. Everything ends to him. That life pressures people into growing up too fast – remember? That's why he was so angry at Sally when she said there would be oodles of time left to do all the things Holden wanted to do. Because life was turning people into something that they weren't._

 _Oh, well. It made more sense in my head._ "

Anakin understood it. Only he didn't know why Ahsoka was rambling about _The Catcher in the Rye_ right now.

" _Sorry. Am I driving everyone crazy? You're probably all telling me to get on with it. Stop being so melodramatic. But I'm afraid these are my own words, and I'm allowed to say whatever I want to. And I don't think I'm too sorry about that._

 _But anyways._

 _Mr. Kenobi, you were the one who told us to question authority._

 _So._

 _Why couldn't you say anything when the teachers and the principal called me to the room? Why couldn't you say shit for me when I needed it?_ "

This was…hitting too close to home.

" _Now, before everyone starts arguing and debating – no, I'm not calling Mr. Kenobi a hypocrite. Because there are hundreds of factors and variables that went into this name. This was your job, Mr. Kenobi. You liked teaching. You should hold onto that…even if it meant letting some student go. And knowing the kind of person you are, Mr. Kenobi, I think that's going to haunt you without even my words to follow you around._

 _But why am I still here?_ "

 _Yes, why are you still talking about him?_ Anakin thought, clutching the corner of Ahsoka's desk. He looked down at a doodle on the side of the desk – ironically enough, a picture of a stick-figure and a speech bubble that read, ' _I hate life!_ ' Judging by the handwriting, it wasn't Ahsoka's. But Anakin wondered if the girl had seen that same doodle everyday – what did she think of it? Did she think of it as a reminder? A taunt? Something that mirrored her own thoughts?

Anakin felt a shiver run up his spine.

" _I'm still here because I watched you throughout the entire meeting, Mr. Kenobi. You didn't say a single word. And I knew – I_ knew _– from the way you held yourself, from the way your eyes kept flicking over to me, from the way you looked at your fellow teachers and the principal, that you hated being there with every fiber of your being. You wanted to burst out of the room. I knew that. And I knew that you wanted to say something. I saw_ that _in the tightness of your jaw._

 _I'm almost sorry I decided to put your name on this list, Mr. Kenobi. Because I honestly think that if we could go back, you would have said something or at least tried to get me out of there._

 _But I don't think we can go back. Sorry. Unless some genius invents a time machine, we're not ever going back._ "

Anakin let his head fall to the desk. _I'm sorry, too, Ahsoka,_ he thought to himself. _Obi-Wan wasn't the only one who didn't speak up._

xXx

Anakin's phone rang. He startled, paused the CD, and reached into his pocket to fish out his phone. His heart was pounding – what if it was actually Obi-Wan? What would he say then? ("Hi, Obi-Wan – I'm just listening to a disappeared girl's CDs. You know, and I'm on the one where she's talking about you? Yeah. I'm on that one. What do you wanna do later tonight? Go out for Chinese food? Yeah. Totally starving after hearing this girl talk." _Ha. Fucking. Ha._ )

But instead, he found himself looking down at an unknown number. Honestly, he had enough surprises for today.

He pressed _accept_ anyways.

"Hello?"

"Er, hi, Mr. Skywalker."

Anakin frowned. The voice was deep – but judging by the way he was addressed, the person definitely wasn't older than him…was this person a student? How did he even get his number? "Who is this?" he asked, standing up. He ignored the sharp shriek of the desk scraping against the floor.

"I'm Rex, sir. I'm a friend of Ahsoka Tano's. I know that you've got the CDs, sir."

Anakin went cold. He felt his fingers numb over as he clutched the phone tighter. "You know that I have the CDs," he said quietly. "So? What now?"

There was a silence. Then, the boy – Rex – asked almost patiently, "Which CD are you on, sir? Which person are you listening about?" Anakin felt his heart plunge into his stomach. He closed his eyes and responded, "I'm listening to Obi-Wan's. I'm in the middle of it. Why?"

"Because Ahsoka Tano instructed me to visit everyone who's on the CD that's about to be his."

Anakin took some time to digest that. "You mean to say that I'm next?" he asked.

"I'm standing outside of the school right now, sir. I'll meet you there." The click that followed told Anakin that Rex had hung up the phone. Anakin stared down at the Discman – at his phone – around the classroom. He slowly packed up his things and walked out. And though his Discman was paused, he was beginning to see the school even without Ahsoka's words.

 _This was what she saw. This was what she felt._

Anakin even stopped by the office where the teachers gathered after school. He knew that office all too well – the posters and letters and post-cards hanging above some desks – coffee cups and water bottles scattered on others – and some papers placed around in stacks. Textbooks littering the corner of the room. Anakin was always supposed to clean them up, but he never found the time to.

Ahsoka had stood at the center of the room when she was brought in. The teachers were gathered around her. There were some police officers around.

There were so many people around, just to accuse a confused and falsely-accused sixteen year old.

Anakin felt something hot well up behind his eyes. _Dammit._

He was next.

In less than who knew how long, he was going to know what exactly he did that compelled Ahsoka to leave.

He turned and left the school.

xXx

A tall, muscular looking boy with close-cropped, dyed blond hair was waiting for Anakin outside the school, just as he had said over the phone call. Rex gave a small nod to Anakin – and without another word, the two were walking off the school grounds. "I've been watching the school – I live right across from here," Rex explained quietly as Anakin pulled out the Discman.

"How do you know who to look for?" Anakin asked, looking down at the pavement. "Are you also on the CDs?"

They both skidded to a stop. Rex turned to look at Anakin, his face solemn and serious, which struck the man odd, since Rex was younger than him and still looked older in the shadows. "No, sir," Rex replied gravely. "I am _not_ on the CDs." Anakin frowned. "Then how do you know –"

"I told you, sir – Ahsoka Tano and I came to an agreement. And frankly, sir, after all the bullshit that was thrown at her, it was the least I could do." Rex's words were unfailingly sharp and cool – and though they stung, Anakin couldn't help but to feel some admiration. Then, Anakin found the courage to ask, "Have you by any chance…listened to the CDs yourself?"

It was hard to read Rex's expression when he replied, "Yes, sir. I have."

Anakin pressed his lips together. Rex, at this point, almost looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry, sir," he said at last. "But you're going to want to listen to the rest of those CDs. It's…the last one, too. It ends with you."

" _I kind of wonder how you feel now, Mr. Kenobi. If you look over at my empty desk and think about where I possibly am or what I possibly felt when you couldn't say anything. I just feel bad for you. That's all I feel. I feel bad that you didn't get to fight against the authority that trapped you. I feel bad that you were dragged to watch one of your students have fingers jabbed at you._

 _I heard you before the mock-trial occurred, you know. I heard you before I was pushed in. That's right, listeners – I was shoved in. I was shoved in like I was a common criminal. Isn't it odd how that works? The other teachers who I thought at least had some sort of respect or affection for me turned out to be nothing but stone-cold, fake-faced people. And I was waiting to come to the realization that you were just like them, Mr. Kenobi._

 _But I heard you._

' _I still can't believe we're doing this,' you were saying. 'Don't you think this is unfair? She's a young girl – it can't be her. She's never taken a computer programming class in her life. She's never been seen consorting with dangerous people. She's never cut class – she's never asked for trouble.' And then a different voice – the principal's – replied, 'But the evidence says otherwise. She was found with the same laptop that was used to hack into our security systems.'_

 _That laptop was yours, Barriss. Which you planted in my locker. And then you tipped off the security guards of our lovely school to do a random locker-check. But you know what you did._

 _Anyways. Mr. Kenobi, you argued, 'There has to be a different way to prove her guilty. It just doesn't seem like her.'_

' _You'd be surprised how easily adolescents can deceive people, Mr. Kenobi.'_

 _Give me a fucking break."_

Anakin remembered that conversation. Obi-Wan had spoken in a calm, measured tone, keeping himself at a distance – but he knew that his friend was struggling. He could see the signs everywhere. And then Anakin had said something, too – he remembered muttering that this entire ordeal was stupid and childish. Only Obi-Wan shot him a warning look.

Anakin wished that he had ignored that warning look.

" _Those words gave me hope when I was shoved in, you know. For a second, I allowed myself to believe that maybe, there was still a small chance for me. But then, Mr. Kenobi, you did something extremely odd. You didn't say anything._

 _I guess it's the principal's fault._

 _But he's not in these CDs, because I don't trust him to carry out my words. So I suppose he's worse than the whole group of you. Strange._

 _You could have outed, Mr. Kenobi. You could have said something more. You didn't. I understand that._ " Anakin could hear Ahsoka breathing heavily through her mouth. Anakin could picture her now – sitting on a bed, sitting in a desk in her bedroom, recording these CDs.

" _So I guess this is my way of telling you that next time, say something. Don't hold back. And for God's sake, get out. You're not like the rest of them._ "

The CD came to a stop. Anakin undid his earbuds and turned to Rex, who looked back up. "It's done, isn't it?" he asked. Anakin nodded his head once. Rex paused at the sidewalk. "We should go somewhere else," he replied. "Does the café downtown sound good to you?" Anakin blinked. "Why?" he asked, puzzled.

"Because I've been doing it to everyone else on the CDs. Even that Bane freak. Didn't really carry out much of a conversation, but it was enough." Rex replied. He looked at Anakin. "And with all due respect, sir, I think you need it."

xXx

Anakin got a coffee. He didn't touch it until he asked, "How long did you know Ahsoka?"

"Since we were in middle school," Rex replied immediately. "She was the new kid. We got on pretty quick. I was supposed to show her around the school." Anakin tried to remember Ahsoka's words – _You should have seen me in middle school._ Rex was looking out the window. "Nice kid. She still is, if you can imagine that."

"I can," Anakin found himself saying. Rex turned to look at the older man. His stare was questioning – almost challenging. "Well," he said, picking up his own cup, "I hope you still believe that once you hear what she has to say to you."

Anakin cast his eyes at his coffee cup. "She left these CDs for a reason," he replied quietly. "She left them so we would understand why she left. Those people she named – Bane, Barriss…Obi-Wan. Me." He looked back up. "She had a right to name us. If I did something that she saw as one more reason to leave, then I'll listen. I should. I have to."

Rex lifted an eyebrow. "You know, Mr. Skywalker," he replied, "I was never really your student. I had a different English teacher, and you were never a student teacher to me. But Ahsoka _did_ mention you a few times." Anakin stared. "Really?" he asked, unsure how he felt over that. He hardly knew Ahsoka – and Ahsoka hardly knew him.

At least, that's what he thought.

"She thought your last name was funny. Our codename for you was _Skyguy_." Rex's eyes were shining a little from amusement – and Anakin's flustered look probably made the experience all the more humorous. And for a second, Anakin felt that it was so ridiculous that he, too, felt like laughing. "Really," he repeated. "Well…isn't that… _that doesn't even sound like a good name_. It's like something you'd find in a…comic book for five year-olds."

Rex shrugged his shoulders. "We still used it. Trust me, it'll grow onto you."

"I'm going to give her a nickname, then. See if she likes it."

"Trust me, sir, she'd find it just as amusing."

Anakin paused. "Did she really talk about me?" he asked.

"Yeah. She thought you were curious. She found you funny. I think she kind of looked up to you, which I always told her was weird, because you two never really talked – but you know, the day before she left…she told me about a conversation she had with you. You didn't know she was leaving, either." Rex replied quietly.

Anakin had to take a few minutes to digest what Rex was saying. And then the memory shot through him like a lightning bolt. He _had_ talked to her. Once. On the steps that led up to the school. He hadn't said much – but now that he thought of it…

"Oh."

Rex nodded. " _Oh_ is right," he murmured. He nodded down at the CD – the last one, with a neat number _4_ pressed against the plastic. "We're going to be walking around with that in your CD player over there. Finish up your coffee – we'll leave soon."

* * *

 **A/N -** I've always just been fascinated with Obi's role in the entire bombing arc. I actually remember feeling really bad for him, but also got saddened by the way he was throughout those episodes - because you could tell that he didn't want to be around, but the Council dragged him down to press charges against Ahsoka.

And I also forgot to tell you guys this - I've recently reached over 300 favorites/followers on my user, and to celebrate, I decided to do my very first fanfic giveaway. There's more information and restrictions on certain fictions, but basically, if you would like to enter, just shoot me a PM. And I don't know why I kept saying this story was five chapters - it's actually four. I didn't notice I said that until my brother pointed it out to me one night. (Thanks, brother dear.)

Reviews are great, constructive criticism is alright (but for goodness' sake, on the actual content, not my opinion on something) but flames are not.


	4. CD Four

And this is where the story ends. Thank you for all of your support.

* * *

 _CD. Four_

" _I must have made it sound like I didn't have any friends or something. This isn't true. I did have friends. They just aren't mentioned a whole ton in these CDs because I don't think they'll be able to react if they ever got to listen to these._ " That's how Anakin's CD starts. Anakin glanced over at Rex, who appeared stoic. He wondered how Rex felt when he heard those words.

" _And there were people who I wished were my friends. There was a person who I wished was my friend. He even talked to me. Once. And that was a little too late._ " Anakin closed his eyes. He could already sense was coming. _Stop,_ he wanted to say. _Stop talking right now. Please. I'm sorry._

" _Anakin Skywalker, I always heard Mr. Kenobi telling you to get to class on time, like you were one of his students._ " She laughed. " _Although, come to think of it, you were, weren't you? One of his former students, that is? From the first day, I could kind of figure out who you were. You know. You were probably one of those jocky guys who caught the eyes of every single girl within a ten-mile radius. And you knew it, too. The way you walked into the classroom all casual and with that goofy grin on your face, you were just ready to prove everyone that you were smarter than everyone thought._

 _In some ways, I found that more interesting than everything else about you._ "

Anakin had smiled that way because he was nervous. He didn't know what he was doing – except that he wanted to find what was so interesting about teaching. He didn't even originally want to be a teacher – until Obi-Wan brought it up over the phone one day.

" _And you know, after that first lesson, I was ready to dismiss you as some poor guy who was getting himself tangled into a job he disliked._ "

Well, she wasn't that far from the truth.

" _But then I saw something. There was this Asian boy. He was late for class, and I was on a free period. I had meant to visit one of my old middle school teachers, you know. I was walking down the hallway, keeping close to the lockers – I always do that, just to brush my fingers against the locks – and then, quite suddenly, you were there._

 _The boy was new. I could see that right away. The too-bright backpack, the too-white tennis shoes, the way he looked at the other students so nervously. You saw it, too._

 _And then that boy was being tossed around by some big-looking seniors. They were poking at him, shouting insults after him as he went. I remember feeling pissed._

 _But so were you._ "

Anakin _was_ pissed. He remembered how small the boy was, how he scurried along the hallways, trying to keep his head ducked down with each person he passed by.

" _And you shouted after the seniors, 'Hey! What do you idiots think you're doing?'_

 _Everyone paused in the hallway. A group of girls were watching you curiously, you know. I was one of them – only, of course, I was alone. Did you know those girls were watching you? Probably not_."

Anakin didn't know.

" _Those seniors tried to fumble up their insults by saying with those neat smiles, 'We're just greeting our friend, mister. You know. Giving him the regular Coruscant High School greeting.' I remember your jaws squared. And you walked up to them and replied, 'Listen up. If you think that's the proper way to greet a kid, you can take that to the principal right now. I'm sure he'll disagree. Or better yet, bring it up to me – because I don't have a single problem with telling you otherwise, either.'_

 _Man. You looked pretty menacing back there, Anakin._

 _Sorry. Is it weird that I call you by your first name? I know I always addressed you by your last name when I was in class, but…anyways._

 _You looked pretty menacing. You were glaring down at the seniors, you with your eyes narrowed and your fists clenched and your jaw tightened. I kept watching. You kept staring. And finally, you said, 'Don't let me catch you say that bullshit ever again.' And you left. You turned on your heel and was walking away before one of the seniors mocked, 'Don't let me catch you say that bullshit ever again!' The seniors around him automatically began laughing – but it quickly died down, because you turned around._

 _And you marched up to them and shoved the senior up against the wall. Your face was_ this _close to them, Anakin. And it was pretty fucking terrifying. But at the same time, it was kind of amazing. Because I found you with that boy later that day, and you were as gentle as anyone could possibly be._

 _After that, I think I started to wonder who you really were._

 _Now, now, I know – Ahsoka, that isn't fair. Why are you adding this poor guy to the list when he hasn't done anything wrong to you? Why are you so curious about him? You're only going to make him feel like shit later, aren't you?_

 _Wait._ "

Anakin stopped. Rex was standing next to him – they were outside the school again. Anakin jerkily walked up to the campus, feeling his steps from a million miles away. He was somewhat aware that Rex was following him.

" _The thing is, everyone – Anakin Skywalker_ is _a good guy. But he's not the automatic saint that you would think would be the definition of a_ good guy _. But that's what it made it so interesting._

 _You showed a bit of that goodness again later, Anakin._

 _That was the day before I left._ "

Anakin plopped himself down on the front steps, feeling his head ache. He leaned against the gate – ignored how jarring the cold metal felt under his skin – and stayed there. Everything was rushing back to him. How could he forget? _How_? That didn't make him a good guy.

" _See, the difference between Obi-Wan and you, Anakin, is that you actually ran up to me to talk. More like you and I bumped into each other by accident – I was walking out of school and you were walking in. And it was weird, because you had seen what happened to me earlier that day. But I still remember. Your eyes didn't avert my face, like the other teachers – they were glued right at mine. Like you wanted to ask a billion questions at once._ "

 _I did,_ Anakin thought. _I couldn't._

" _And I thought I was crazy for looking right back at you._ "

 _No, Ahsoka. You weren't the crazy one._

" _And then, even without me realizing it, you told me, 'Sorry.'_

 _I didn't know what you were sorry for, Anakin. Maybe you were sorry for bumping into me on my way out of the school. Or maybe you were sorry that you were silent during the entire exchange in the teachers' office. Maybe you were sorry for something that I didn't even know about. But you said 'sorry' and you kept staring._

 _And I replied, 'It's fine.'_

' _It's not,' you responded bluntly. 'I mean – I'm sorry.'_

 _Again, you were kind of vague. I guess you're not too good with words._ "

"I'm not," Anakin muttered to himself. He knew that Rex was probably looking at him like he was crazy – or maybe he wasn't. Did other people react worse? Did other people scream when they heard Ahsoka? Did they slam themselves into the walls?

There was a long silence from Ahsoka. Anakin reached down for his Discman, wondering if somehow, that was the end of the CD – if that was how it was going to be – but instead, he heard something soft. It was quiet – almost silent – but he heard it.

Little sobs.

" _In that moment, I think I really wanted to tell you everything. Did you know that? Because I think you did. I think you knew that I was dying to tell you everything, even though I only knew you for a few minutes – but I guess you could say that I knew you for the entire school year._

 _And I knew that you wanted to know, too. I knew that._

 _And I think you were sorry that you couldn't say anything else, either._

 _Our short time – our short discussion – was cut too short. That was our last conversation. That was…our last._ "

Anakin realized that he didn't need to pull out the map to realize he was in the right place. "Our last conversation," he murmured. His head sank to the front of his knees. "Our very, very last."

" _You're not going to see me for a very, very, very long time, Anakin. Not on purpose, anyways. I'm long gone now, and I'm somewhere you can't really reach me. Not unless you truly try. But I'm asking you to not try, Anakin. I'm asking you to stay and make the best out of something that I wasn't be able to._ " Anakin could feel the burn of tears in his eyes now. This time, he didn't bother wiping it away.

" _Truth is, Skyguy – ha, never thought I'd address you that way – but truth is, Skyguy, you don't really belong on this list. This was just me being selfish. Or not. Depends on what you think. But this was my way of saying something that I don't think I could ever say to anyone else on this list without feeling insincere. But with you, this is sincere. Because you deserve it. You tried enough, Anakin. It's done. I knew what you thought. And I'm forever grateful for that._ " Tears streamed down Anakin's face silently.

" _And Anakin?_ " there was a long, shuddery sigh from Ahsoka.

" _I'm sorry, too._ "

xXx

There was a long silence at the end of the CD.

And then, Ahsoka's voice came again, completely warm and loving. Not in the sarcastic, cool, tired voice that had recorded these messages before.

" _Thank you._ "

xXx

"It's done," Rex said when Anakin removed his earbuds. He looked up at the boy. Rex was standing above him, looking down with a tired expression. Anakin realized that Rex meant more to those words – " _it's done_ "…Rex had stayed and watched other people react just as he did, if not even more violently.

"What now?" Anakin asked quietly, feeling raw and sore all over. He felt as though years and years had passed – he felt twice as older than he actually was. (Twenty-two years old.) Rex dug a hand into his back pocket – and pulled out a piece of crumpled paper. He pushed it towards Anakin. "Read that," he replied gently. "And sir, I'm sorry to say this right now – but I'm going to need the rest of those CDs."

"Why?" Anakin asked quickly. He hesitated. He hated how quick his question came out – as though he was somehow attached to the CDs. Rex pressed his lips together. "I don't think you really want them, sir," Rex replied quietly. "And…Ahsoka wants them back."

"I see," Anakin replied. He took out the CD from the Discman and slowly put it back in its plastic. He took up the rest of the CDs, still neatly tucked away in his backpack. He handed them all to Rex and looked back down at the paper on his lap. "Is it from her?" he asked numbly. "Did the others get one?"

Rex nodded. "Each is different," he answered. "However, whether or not you live up to Ahsoka's words are your own choice." He stepped back and nodded. And then he turned on his heel and walked away. Before he could disappear altogether, Anakin called after him, "Rex?"

"Yes?" Rex turned around.

"Do you know where she is now?"

Rex paused. Then, when he spoke, there was something tight in his voice – pain. "No, sir, I do not," he replied stiffly. Anakin closed his mouth. He looked down. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. Rex didn't smile. He only replied, "If you truly are sorry, sir, then you'll do what Ahsoka tells you. She would have wanted it."

xXx

A week later, Anakin was walking through the same hallways of the school.

 _Dear Anakin,_

 _I'm sorry I didn't bother telling you anything sooner._

Anakin watched as some kids hurried to their classes, all laughing and singing some song, happy that school was going to be over soon. He watched some boys and girls struggle to open up their lockers.

 _But I need you to promise me something, okay? If it's not too much to ask._

Anakin was scanning the hallway for a particular someone.

 _Because I asked everyone to promise me something – but yours is different._

Anakin had walked past Bane's Garage this morning. He saw Cad Bane hanging around there, though the garage was closed down. He flicked his eyes at the man, and Cad's eyes lifted to meet his. A silent agreement seemed to pass between them – and then Cad Bane looked away to shout at a former employee bitching about something.

And then Anakin saw Barriss – she was standing on the front porch of her house, arms crossed and eyes staring at nothing and everything. They were filled with something fierce. Later, Anakin saw Obi-Wan in the hallway. The two stopped – looked at each other – and instantly, Anakin walked towards Obi-Wan. They paused again, and Anakin could only say, "I know."

 _There are more people who think just like me, Anakin. Only for them, it's not too late. You can still do more. Only don't be too late this time._

 _And thank you. Again._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Ahsoka Tano._

A familiar girl with a dark pony-tail hurried past Anakin. He turned to see her go – to see her practically sprint past a group of girls, who all stopped their conversation to stare after her. And then Anakin saw someone whisper something to the girl. The girl stopped in her tracks – seemed to freeze – and turned around, looking angry and frustrated – and above all, bewildered. As though she couldn't tell what was going on around her.

Anakin remembered that same look when the girl had flashed the middle finger at the employees – the same look when she had scrambled out of the door.

And then Anakin was hurrying forward. He gently touched the girl's shoulder – watched her spin around – and quickly dropped his hand. "Hey," he said quietly.

And the girl smiled.

 _There are people who think just like me, Anakin._

 _Only for them, it's not too late._

 _You can still do more._

 _Only don't be too late this time._

 _And thank you. Again._

 _Yours_

 _Truly,_

 _Ahsoka_

 _Tano._

* * *

 **A/N -** I didn't really want to reveal who this random girl was, except I guess you can assume it's you. I think I just chose dark-haired ponytail because I was originally thinking up of a character who I made in _The Clone Wars_ fandom a long time ago (kudos to you if you can guess who it is/was) - but then I think it worked for everyone right now who really needs someone to step in and get to you. I remember that when I was going through some rough times, I would have killed for just _one_ person in my grade to tap me on the shoulder and say to me, "Hi - can we talk? Is this seat taken? Do you wanna hang out?"

So pretend this mysterious girl is you - you can change the person to a boy if you're a boy - you can change the appearance in your head, as long as you still feel that it brings some comfort to you.

I was also originally going to have Ahsoka actually talk to Anakin again - but I ix-nayed that scene because to be honest, I felt like it'd cheapen everything. And in real life, there's no such things as _more_ time - you have to make the best of whatever a person left you with. (You can make a lot in just a short amount of time. You can _do_ a lot.)

As always, reviews would be nice. Constructive criticism is always welcome to the table (as long as it's on the actual content matter, not my opinions), but flames are not. Shoo.


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